Stronger
by MerDer25
Summary: Derek and Meredith really need to find a way back to one another. This is about their bumpy road, accepting the mistakes they have both made and finding a way to accept them and move on from them so they can be stronger people as well as being a stronger couple. This story takes place after Beth's surgery in the season 4 finale. Slightly AU. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Author's Note – This story was originally a one shot but I have written way too much for it to be a one-shot so I have divided it up. It takes place directly after Beth's surgery in season 4, episode 17. I hope you all enjoy…**

**Derek's Point of View**

Where the hell is she? I've tried paging her, calling her, texting her; all the while searching the corridors, elevators, on call rooms and patients rooms of Seattle Grace. I can't find her anywhere. We should be celebrating right now. We should be together, opening the bottle of champagne I bought...Oh shit! I threw it away. Running down the hall, I spot Christina, writing up charts, at the nurse's station.

"Where's Meredith?" I ask, instantly regretting it, realising it came out more as a demand than a question. She looks pissed, making me inwardly wince.

"Nice to see you too, Dr Fuck up," she scowls at me before turning back to her chart.

"Christina," I plead. "Beth's surgery was a success. I need to let her know."

"She already knows," she breathes, not even glancing at me as she continues to write.

"How? Why didn't she come find me?" I ask, baffled.

"Maybe because she realises, once and for all, that you truly are a McJackass," she snips.

"Christina," I groan loudly. "I just need..."

"I don't care what you need!" she snaps, finally turning to face me. "I care about what she needs! And what she needs is for you to leave her alone," she says more calmly, staring at me intently.

"But I..."

"Leave-Her-Alone," she breathes slowly, emphasising every word.

"I ..."

"You what?" she asks, looking as if she's ready to explode right in front of me. "You what?" she repeats.

"Just tell her I am looking for her!" I snap, walking away.

What else could I say? I love her? I can just imagine Christina's reaction to that one. The problem is if Christina doesn't realise I'm in love with Meredith then what chance do I have of Meredith believing me when I tell her? How am I going to convince her?

**Meredith's Point of View**

'Meredith,' Dr Wyatt greeted me as I walked back into her office.

'It worked,' I beamed at her as I flopped onto her couch, finally allowing my body to feel the exhaustion it had been fighting all day.

'That's excellent news Meredith,' she smiled at me, seeming genuinely pleased for me. 'Congratulations,' she nods, taking her usual seat.

It's strange how relieved I feel. I thought I'd be more happy and excited than relieved.

'How do you feel?' she's asks me in typical Dr Wyatt fashion.

'Relieved,' I confess, content with closing my eyes for a second.

'For you or for your patient?' she queries and I can hear the hint of curiousness in her voice.

'For me. For her,' I breathe. 'For Jeremy,' I add, feeling the sadness from earlier, well up inside me. They should be in recovery together right now. Instead, Jeremy's in the morgue.

'What about Derek?' She asks as I open my eyes.

'I have to let him go,' I whisper, fighting back tears.

'Why?' She asks, giving me a perplexed look.

'Because it's the right thing to do,' I smile at her sadly.

'What makes you say that?' Wyatt asks with a glint of shock in her eyes.

'It's like you say; 'He's with Rose',' I sigh, standing up from the couch and beginning to walk towards the door.

'Meredith...'

'Besides,' I start, turning back to face her, 'If you really love someone, sometimes you have to let them go.'

'Meredith...'

'I'm due some vacation time. I'm taking a week off to get my head together. I just need...I need...'

'Some time?' she asks, smiling at me.

'Exactly,' I murmur. 'That's exactly what I need.'

She smiles warmly at me and for the very first time, I feel like she understands me.

'I'll see you in a week Dr Wyatt.' I nod and before she even has a chance to respond, I'm out the door.

**Derek's Point of View**

I can't believe she's been gone a whole week. It wasn't that long ago that she joined Christina on her honeymoon. Why would she go away again? It's not like her to volunteer missing surgery. She's ruthless. She lives for the cutting. Most of her daily thoughts are of surgeries...So why go on holiday from the thing you love doing must? Did she really need to get away from me that badly? Was the trial too much for her after losing Jeremy? I was tough on her but as her attending, I had to be. It's my job. The trial was far from easy. It pushed both of us to our limits. I thought she could handle it though. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe I am wrong. Then again, this is a woman who held a bomb in a chest and managed to extract it safely in order for Burke to save his patient. She was a hero that day. A stupid one but a hero none the less.

'I hear Meredith's back today,' Mark whispers from behind me.

'What?' I snap, stopping in my tracks and turning to face him.

'Hey,' Mark smirks. 'No need to get snappy or jumpy. I'm just saying that I heard she's back today and with you moping around here all week, I assumed this would cheer you up. Although, Buck teeth hasn't been around all week so maybe the problem all round has been...'

'Don't go there Mark,' I warn as he continues to smirk.

'Touchy, touchy,' he laughs.

'How do you know she's back today?' I ask, trying not to sound desperate.

'She's on my service,' he shrugs, as we start walking towards the lobby.

'I have Yang. Do you think we can switch?' I ask, trying to be subtle.

'I knew it,' He grins like that freaky cat in Alice in Wonderland. 'Meredith leaves, you pout and 'Buck Teeth' disappears! You did something," He laughs, pointing at me.

'Mark, get your head out of the gutter," I groan. 'I need Dr Grey for some post trial paperwork,' I state, putting on my best professional voice. By the look of Mark's face, he can see right through me.

'Dr Grey,' he scoffs. 'Who are you trying to kid here? I'm not blind. And as for that trial paperwork, you finished that days ago.'

'There are still a few loose ends that need to be tied up," I smirk, unable to stop myself.

'I bet there are, you dirty...'

'Mark,' I warn, smiling before I order us both a coffee from the guy at the coffee cart.

'Are you still in love with her?' He asks me bluntly as we are handed our coffees.

'Yes,' I answer instantly, showing no hesitation.

'Ok then,' he nods, before patting me on the back. 'It looks like I have Yang for today.'

'Yeah. You do,' I laugh as we make our way up to the surgical floor.

**Richard's Point of View**

I need an excuse. I need to think of a reason that will allow me to drop in unexpectedly on my wife. I could go down the whole romantic route and buy her flowers and chocolates but after everything that I've put her through, she deserves so much more than flowers and chocolates. Besides, nowadays, anything I do, she's wondering what the ulterior motive is. She always seems convinced that I have an agenda. In this occasion she'd be right...I have to win her back. She is my wife. She's my lover. She's my best friend. And as horribly corny as it is; we are meant to be.

"Morning Chief," I hear Sloan tweet chirpily from behind me. I turn to see both Shepherd and Sloan with big grins on their faces. What are they up to?

"Morning Sloan, Shepherd," I nod at them both. Something has got into these too.

"Morning Chief," Shepherd grins. This makes a change, considering he's been mopping about this place, snapping at everyone for the past week.

"What's made you cheery this morning?" I ask them both but really I want to know what's put a huge smile on Derek's...Wait...Meredith's back this morning.

Crap!

"I'm just in a much better mood today Chief," he shrugs. The nurses will be relieved to say the least. They have not coped well with Derek's dark mood.

"Derek actually needs a favour Chief," Mark smirks, giving his best friend a huge pat on the back as Derek suddenly looks uncomfortable. He's got to be kidding me.

"What's that?" I ask, trying to act cool and collected.

"Well...uh..." he stutters as Mark smirks at him. Even I know what he's about to ask. "There's still a lot of trial paperwork to be finished off so Sloan and I were going to switch residents for the day," he nods while Mark grins at me.

"You've got to be kidding me Shepherd," I snap, watching as a look of shock crosses both their faces. "You are not using the time I pay you to save lives to try and patch things up with Meredith Grey!"

"Chief..." Derek starts to defend himself and Sloan looks like he's ready to jump in and defend him. They've come far from last year, considering they couldn't stand one another. Now they're as thick as thieves.

"Before Meredith left to go on holiday, she came by my office to remove herself from your service," I inform him. "Permanently." Way to be gentle Richard. Derek and Sloan give me a stunned look but the difference between the two of them is the hurt that crosses Derek's face. "Look Derek," I sigh. "She told me that you told her you no longer wanted to work with her. Something about you blaming her for a lot of the deaths and that she felt it be best for both of you and this hospital if you no longer work together."

"How can she..."

"Apparently she took the words right out of your mouth," I whisper. "She insisted that this is what you wanted. Now, as far as I was aware, the paperwork you handed in completed the clinical trial so unless you can give me a good reason for Meredith Grey being back on your service then I'm sorry Derek, I can't help you. Now, If you'll excuse me," I nod, walking away from both Sloan and Shepherd, leaving them stunned.

If I honestly had the strength and time then I would meddle. I'd pull Meredith aside and tell her she was torturing the man that is in love with her. However, maybe the time apart from one another is what they both need to appreciate one another. Just like Adele and me. The time I've had away from Adele has made me realise exactly how much I love and miss her. One way or another, I will get her back...Now to finding an excuse to drop in on her.

**Please Review. Next update will be posted tomorrow. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended**

**THANK YOU for all your comments. Hope you all enjoy this update…  
**

**Meredith's Point of View**

To say this week back has been hard would be an understatement. I've been avoiding Derek at all costs; using the stairs instead of the elevators, bringing a packed lunch instead of going to the canteen for food, making sure I am down for the night shift next week and then there's the fact I've been logging as much OR time as physically possible. It's been easy considering, apart from the first day back where I was on Sloan's service; I've been working the clinic and trauma so I've been able to assist on all kinds of surgery, with most of the surgeons...apart from one particular surgeon.

Of course he has tried to corner me on several occasions but thankfully Christina, Alex, George or Izzie have been nearby. Even Lexie has saved me a few times from Derek which has been a great help but it has also highlighted in those moments, how strained things are between the two of us. Things are already hard and awkward at work as I am spending so much time and energy trying to avoid Derek that ultimately I can't put even more time into avoiding her too. I'm convinced she's using this situation to get on my good side. I hate to admit it though, I feel myself softening towards her, despite how irritatingly annoying and nice she is at the same time. Maybe something good can come out of all this avoiding after all.

I know I shouldn't be putting all this time into avoiding Derek. I should accept what has happened and let everything go but I feel free when I'm not around him, despite the fact I miss him. He needs to move on just as much as I do but I know if I ended up even spending five minutes alone with him, my new found strength would cave in. It's like an alcoholic. Eventually they can go out with their friends to bars and restaurants, watching their friends drink alcohol. However, for the first few months of their recovery, the last place they should be is near a bar because the temptation is way too strong. The temptation never goes but at the very least, their strength and will power does. Am I seriously comparing myself to an alcoholic? Am I saying I'm addicted to Derek Shepherd? Get a grip Meredith!

There is one big thing that has been bugging me since I got back...Why did he break up with Rose?

**Derek's Point of View**

I stand and watch her out of the corner of my eye while a nurse updates me on one of my patients in post-op recovery. This is as good as it is going to get just now. Any time I go near hear, someone jumps out of nowhere to protect her; Christina, Alex, Izzie, George and even Lexie. I have shown up at her house a few times but someone always tells me she's not home. She's changed her cell number so I can't even call her.

This is ridiculous...but then why should I be surprised? She's an avoider. It's what she does.

She looks really tired but then that is no surprise considering she's now working nights. Probably because she has less chance of running into me in the hallway. I thought after everything we went through during the trial, we would at least be able to be friends now. Especially considering Beth survived the surgery and we survived working together. Now, she can't even look at me, never mind talk to me.

Maybe if I just go up to her now and ask her advice on...

"Dr Shepherd?" Tyler questions me, causing me to snap back to reality. "Are we ok to bring Mr Donaldson back to his surgical room?" He asks, giving me a strange look.

"His post-op CT is clear so get Karev to notify the family and clear him for transport to a surgical room."

"Dr Karev is waiting for you in Zola's room sir," he informs me.

"Zola?" I question, thinking back as to whom...

"The baby from the orphanage sir," he whispers, looking worried.

"Right," I nod, feeling embarrassed. How can this day get any worse? Tyler is looking at me as if I've lost my mind. Most people do these days. I've lost all concentration and focus since Meredith removed herself from my services. Her complete avoidance of the issue isn't helping either. I need to get my head back in the game and forget about Meredith Grey.

"Do you want me to get Nelson to take the consult sir?" he asks hesitantly. He's probably unsure whether I am going to bite his head off or burst into tears at the very thoughts of Nelson taking my patient.

"No, no," I shake my head, giving him a smile. "It's fine." I insist, patting him on the back. "Thanks for your help," I smile, walking away, using all my strength not to look back at Meredith.

No matter how much I want her, it is time to move on.

Derek's Point of View

Karev meets me outside Zola's room, giving me an update on her status. As we walk into the room together, I feel that overwhelming sense of sadness that I always do when about to consult on a baby or young child.

"McKenna?" I question the home carer as Zola lets out a cry in her arms. "Hi," I nod. "I'm Dr Shepherd. Of course you know, Dr Karev," I smile, pointing towards Alex. However, I don't take my eyes off of Zola. "We're here to take a look at Zola today," I state as she passes me a crying Zola. What a cutie. She's adorable. "Sometimes babies with Spinabifida can develop Euro Malformation," I begin to explain, turning Zola onto her tummy, in my arms.

"It causes fluid build-up, in the brain," Alex continues for me. "It can be pretty uncomfortable but sometimes if you adjust the baby's head position," he says as I turn Zola in my arms so I can see her adorable face.

"It helps relieve the pressure," I say giving Zola a baby smile as she makes a cooing sound, placing her hand on my chin and giving me a lovingly, curious look.

She could be our child Meredith.

Where did that thought come from?

I reluctantly tear my eyes away from Zola to look at her carer, trying to reassure her. "Let me see this face," I coo, giving her a big smile. "Let me see this face," I repeat again in a baby voice.

"She's been at the orphanage since she was two months old," the carer begins to explain while I pull out my flashlight and Zola waves her hands and legs, staring at something up at the ceiling, "this is the first time she has stopped crying since I can remember," she continues as I flash my pen light in her little eyes, pleased with her pupil response.

"Let's just run an MRI and check to see if she has Euro Malformation Hydrocephalus," I request. "If it's possible, we're going to have to fit a shunt to drain the fluid. We'll have to postpone the spinal surgery but I think it is going to be worth it," I explain with a smile as Zola takes my pen light from my hand to have a taste.

"I think she likes you," Dr Karev smiles at me.

"She can keep it. I have plenty of them," I laugh as I pass Zola to her carer.

Time to save a baby's life...

**Richard's Point of View**

"Zola's surgery went well Derek," I smile at him, patting him on the back, as we walk into my office. "You should be proud of yourself."

"Thanks Chief," he nods, looking slightly unsure. Half the time I am with Derek now, he is lost in thought. "I need to ask you something."

"Shoot," I whisper, dumping my paper work on my desk.

"What surgical residents are working tonight?" He asks, sounding determined, causing me to look up at him as I sit at my desk.

"Derek," I groan. "We've..."

"We've been over this," he mimics me but before he continues, he takes a look at my stern face and stops himself. "I know," he eventually sighs. "But like you've been saying all along, these orphaned children are giving the hospital great publicity therefore we need to make sure that they get the best care at all times," he begins, taking the seat across from me. "Now you and I both know that when it comes to the end of Meredith's residency, we're going to be fighting over her and which specialty she should choose. She shows incredible talent in both of our specialties. However, right now, I don't want to leave Zola with just anyone and Meredith is the best resident working tonight therefore she should be the one on Zola's case."

"I take it you'll be staying here tonight," I smirk. "Just in case," I add knowingly.

"This isn't about me and Meredith, Richard," He whispers sadly. "This is about my patient and what is best for my patient," he slowly emphasis'. "Besides, I hardly suspected you were the kind of Chief who allowed a junior resident to tell him what she is and isn't allowed to do in your hospital," He states bluntly.

Ouch! That hurt...but he's right. Why am I allowing this?

"Dr Grey will be on your service as of tonight," I concede as Derek smiles. "But no funny business," I warn him.

"Thank you Richard," he nods before getting up and leaving my office.

**Please let me know what you think!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended**

**Really glad you are all enjoying this. Hope you enjoy this update.**

**Meredith's Point of View**

How can this be? I honestly thought Alex was kidding when I showed up at the hospital, telling me I was taking over from him on Dr Shepherd's case. Then I assumed some sort of mistake had been made causing me to try and hunt down the Chief but he had even left for the day. However, one of the nurses took great pleasure in passing on a message from him.

'It's necessary'

What does that even mean?

To make matter worse, I know Derek is in the building and plans to stay in case there are any problems. As much as I want to be furious at him for it, it is very hard to be when you're staring into the eyes of an angelic, innocent life. She's adorable. She has such big eyes, like Derek. She seems quite feisty; in the way she kicks her little legs; like me. She could be mine and Derek's child...

Wow...

Wait...

Where the hell did that come from? Stop it Meredith! You can't think like that.

This is your entire fault! You're way too cute for your own good. She really is. "You're supposed to be sleeping, baby girl," I whisper, stroking her head. I'd lift her into my arms but more than likely, it would wake her more.

Wouldn't it?

**Derek's Point of View**

She's been here for the past three hours, rounded on all my patients and according to one of the nurses at the desk, she was now with Zola. I've spent the past three hours pacing the floor of an on-call room, not wanting to jump in and see her immediately, in case it made me seem too keen or too obvious. But now...now I can't wait any longer...

_"Oh, Mr Medicine..."_

What the hell?

_"...I will take anything. What do you recommend?"_

Who is that?

_"Oh, Mr Medicine..."_

Making my way through the Paediatric Surgical floor, the singing becomes slightly louder.

_"...I need my vitamins. Will I feel better then?"_

A mom must be comforting her child.

_"Oh, Mr Medicine, I feel so much better..."_

Amazing voice.

_"...my friend's a pessimist yet you still impress her..."_

I wonder if Meredith can hear her.

_"...If you need evidence then I'll write you a letter..."_

I wonder how Zola is doing.

_"...I'll lick, stamp and post it so that you can know this..."_

She hasn't paged so I'm assuming there are no problems.

_"...First job, when you get up, there's a pile of dirty laundry..."_

What the hell is this song?

_"...I know you'll clean it up, you're the man to do it for me..."_

Oh My God.

_"...and then I saw that the patient has improved, to cool and sit has become a lame excuse..."_

"What the..."

_"Oh, Mr Medicine..."_

Meredith?

**Meredith's Point of View**

Finally! She's asleep.

It's only taken me four songs to finally get her over to sleep. Unfortunately for her, I'm the one with mummy and daddy issues since neither of them made time to sing me lullabies, therefore I never learned any. Thankfully, Izzie plays crappy, slow music every time she's in the kitchen - which is a lot - which has really helped today as that crappy music has somehow managed to stick in my brain, whether I like it or not.

A song called 'Mr Medicine'? Seriously? Thank god Christina is not on call tonight. If she witnessed me singing to a patient, I would never hear the end of it. She would never let me live something like this down. It's not like Zola is any regular patient though. She is adorable with those little chubby cheeks of hers and those tiny hands. How could anyone not want her? How could anyone resist her? I feel for the parents who are going to adopt her because you just know that with an angelic face like hers, she will be impossible to say no to.

She's just an innocent baby and she has already been put through so much in her short life time.

At least she is finally asleep.

"Sweet dreams, ZoZo," I breathe, smiling as I stroke her cheek.

"That is some singing voice you have Dr Grey," I hear a very familiar voice smile from behind me.

Oh Crap!

**Derek's Point of View**

"I didn't know you could sing," I whisper, leaning against the door frame of Zola's room. Or should I say ZoZo? "And it's nice to see you've nicknamed our patient already," I laugh lightly, in the hope she will at least turn and face me.

"I couldn't help it," she groans, finally turning to face me, a small giggle escaping her lips. "She's a tough one to resist," she laughs lightly as she looks me in the eye.

Finally…but as quick as it is there, it is gone…

"Uh…her vitals are all normal, she's been responding well to her meds and she even managed a bottle of milk an hour ago," she rambles off in typical doctor mode while she avoids looking at me and fidgets with the watch on her wrist. "And now…"

"And now she is sleeping comfortably after you sang her to sleep," I smile, trying my best to be charming in the hope of pulling her back to me. "Not that it was the most appropriate song for a baby…but still," I mock her.

"Oh god," she groans, looking at Zola and then back at me. "You're never going to let me live this down, are you?"

"Well, that depends, Dr Grey," I whisper, feeling myself finally relax as I was now able to be in her company.

"On what?" she asks me sceptically, giving me a curious look.

"On how badly you want this kept quiet," I shrug, laughing at the horror on her face.

"What the hell are you suggesting Dr Shepherd?" She asks me in a voice mixed with both fear and confusion. Meredith has always known how to hide behind a smile…but I know her too well… whether she likes it or not.

"That you come down to the canteen and have a cup of coffee and a piece of cake with me," I plead seriously.

"Derek, I …"

"And I promise to take your natural singing talent to my grave without breathing a word to another living soul," I smile awkwardly in the hope I can swing it.

"In other words, you're blackmailing me?" She giggles awkwardly.

"Yes," I nod, aware of how pathetic I must sound. "I've been left no choice," I let slip, regretting those choice of words, the moment they leave my lips as a look of hurt crosses Meredith's face.

"Meredith," I whisper as she makes her way past me.

"Let's go," she hollers, leaving no room for argument.

I really am an idiot.

**Meredith's Point of View**

As much as I hate to admit it, he does have a point. Did I really have a choice though? I mean Derek and I aren't even together anymore so It's not as if we owe one another anything. Do we?

"One large coffee with milk and a large slice of chocolate cake for the lady," Derek smiles, placing both in front of me before running back to the cash desk to grab his own coffee.

"A large slice of chocolate cake?" I question him. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were trying to either sweeten me up or fatten me up," I shrug, with a little laugh. "There's no way I can finish a slice that big. I know my mouth is big but it isn't that big," I whisper, smiling at him.

"I'll help you out," He beams at me.

"You? Eat something unhealthy? Never," I shake my head. "I just don't see it." Derek makes sure to have plenty of fruit and fibre every morning and if he's feeling like treating himself, then it's a slice of trout before he makes sure that he at least has a piece of fruit afterwards.

"A man can change," He smirks, using one of the two forks on the table, digging into the delicious looking chocolate cake.

"Hmm," I moan, unable to stop myself. To make matters worse, I feel myself going a little red when I catch Derek staring at me with a smirk on his face.

"What?" I ask, hesitantly.

"Nothing," He smiles. "Just haven't heard you moan like that for a while," he chuckles with a shrug before taking another bite of cake, remaining to watch me closely.

"Did you really just say that? You didn't just say that?" I laugh, unable to stop myself, feeling slightly intimidated under Derek's intense gaze. He continues to chuckle as my cheeks continue to heat up. "Anyway, how would you know? Last I checked, you've not been in my bedroom for months and for all you know, I could be having wild, animal sex with a young, vibrant, energetic intern," I smirk as Derek stops chuckling, fork mid –air, as his frown lines suddenly appear.

Woops…Maybe, I shouldn't have said that.

"Have you?" He asks in a whisper showing his hesitance, after a long silence.

"You have no right to ask me that Derek," I answer, doing my best to keep my composure.

"I know," he nods. "But I…I just can't help…"

"Well put it this way," I begin, interrupting him. "I've put a whole new meaning to the term flying solo," I giggle and before I know it, Derek is chuckling like crazy.

"Uh," he sighs, trying to control his laughter. "Well if you're as good at flying solo, as you were singing to Zola, then you must be really satisfied," He smirks.

"I wondered how long it would be before you brought that up again," I giggle, feeling my nerves resurface. "Besides, you promised that you would not…"

"I promised I would take your super, talented secret to my grave without discussing it with anyone else and as far as I am aware, I haven't broke my promise as I haven't discussed it with anyone else," he argues his point with a smirk. "I'm discussing it with you."

"True," I nod, taking a sip of my coffee as I watch him take another bite of cake. "And considering that I have stuck to my end of the bargain, you had better do so."

"I will," he murmurs assuringly, before he gives me a funny look.

"What?" I question hesitantly.

"Where did you learn to sing?" He asks sounding genuinely interested as I scoop up a big slice of cake with my fork.

"I didn't," I shrug. I hate him knowing this. "It was just something I discovered I could do from a young age but didn't want anyone to know about it."

"You have a real talent Mer," he breathes, watching me intently as I take a big bite of cake.

"Surgery is my passion Derek," I mutter with a mouth full of cake, unable to stop myself. I always get on the defensive when it comes to surgery.

"I know that Meredith. All I'm saying is that it was nice to see," he smiles sadly. "It was really nice to walk into the hallway and see that it was you, who has this beautiful voice, singing Zola to sleep," he murmurs. "Or should I say ZoZo," he adds with a playful grin.

"If you're not careful, you're going to have a chocolate cake, covered face," I warn him with a point of my fork.

"That sounds vaguely dirty," he smiles, pretending to be lost in thought.

Ass.

"I am in no mood to be made fun of as I am exhausted and when I'm exhausted, I become cranky. I've already worked several night shifts and have more to go."

"I'm sorry," he whispers, looking sincere.

"It's not your fault," I mutter, realising my mistake. I've dragged us onto dangerous territory.

"Meredith, we really need to talk," he begins as my heart flutters with fear, knowing what I have to do.

For once, I am going to stand on my own two feet and be a grown up.

**Please comment and let me know what you think.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended**

**Please don't hate me…**

**Derek's Point of View**

"Dude, you look beat," I hear a voice from in front of me. I look up from my seat in the lobby to see Mark staring down at me with a concerned look on his face and two cups of coffee in his hands. "I think you need one of these," he whispers, handing me a cup before taking the seat next to mine.

"Thanks," I mutter, as I take a sip of the scolding hot liquid, enjoying the sensation as it trickles down my throat.

"What's up? Grey turn you down again?" He asks with a chuckle.

'She wants to be friends,' I murmur, unable to shift the sadness I feel. I've lost her. For good.

'What?' Mark splutters his coffee over himself. 'You mean she wants to go back to friends with benefits? Right?'

'She wants to be friends,' I repeat, looking at him.

'Shit,' He mutters, giving me a pitying look.

'I've lost her Mark,' I murmur, rubbing my face. 'I've really lost her this time.'

'You don't know that,' he tries to assure me. 'She'll come around. She'll...'

'We were laughing and joking,' I breathe.

'Well that's good, isn't it?' he asks me, sounding upbeat.

'You don't understand. She was laughing and joking with me. She wasn't running. There was no fear. She didn't hesitate.' I explain.

'Well that's good. This is what you've been waiting for,' Mark urges me, patting me on the shoulder. 'Tell her how you feel and...'

'I can't,' I mutter. I so wish I could but I know now that I will never be able to tell Meredith how I truly feel again.

'What do you mean you can't?' He scoffs. 'Of course you can. You just have to...'

'She was laughing and joking with me,' I begin, as my best friend gives me a confused look. 'When Meredith is in love, it freaks her out and she wants to run. She would freak just at the mention of the future. She did none of that.'

'Well, maybe...'

'She's moved on Mark,' I sigh. 'I looked into her eyes and I swear, she felt nothing, Mark. She's moved on.'

'Derek, I'm...'

'And now I have to do the same,' I breathe.

'What are you going to do?' He asks hesitantly.

'I'm going to visit the family in New York and then...I have no idea,' I admit.

'You're not planning to leave Seattle, are you?' He asks awkwardly.

'I have...I don't...I don't know Mark,' I answer honestly. 'But I don't think that I can stand by and watch the woman I love, move on with her life.'

I feel Mark's stunned expression staring at me.

'It's too hard. It's just too hard,' I mutter, before we slip into an uncomfortable silence.

**Meredith's Point of View**

'What did you do?' I hear Alex's voice ask from behind me.

'What do you mean?' I ask, staring down at Zola's sleeping form. She looks so peaceful. She's brand new and she's already been hurt in this world. How is that fair?

'Shepherd's been walking about like a lost little puppy today,' he informs me.

Wince.

'What did you do now?' he asks with a laugh. Way to make me feel better Alex.

'Nothing,' I lie. Have I done the right thing? 'Derek's not long broken up with Rose. He's bound to feel a little lost right now,' I murmur, refusing to take my eyes off of Zola, in case Alex sees the pain I feel.

'Is there something going on between the two of you?' he asks bluntly.

'I swear you're becoming more and more like Christina,' I giggle. 'And no, there's nothing going on,' I whisper, hiding my pain behind my smile as I turn to face him.

'Are you ok?' He asks me, giving me a worried look.

'I'm fine,' I assure him. 'Now, how's our girl here?' I ask with a smile.

'She is doing great,' he smiles. 'She'll be fighting fit in no time.'

'She will,' I giggle.

'Can I get you anything before I head home?' he asks me gently.

'No, I'm good, thanks,' I assure him. 'I'll see you in the morning.'

'You sure?' he asks seeming hesitant to leave me. He's such a brother.

'I'm sure,' I smile. 'Now get out of here,' I encourage him.

'Ok,' he nods, walking away, leaving me to watch over Zola.

She's such a little cutie. She needs a family. She needs people around her. She deserves to have a family after everything she's been through.

She needs a mom.

She deserves a mom.

She could be mine.

She could be mine and Derek's.

'Earth to Meredith,' I hear from behind me and I jump before turning to see Derek giving me a sad smile.

'Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you,' he smiles sadly, shoving his hands in the pockets of his lab coat.

'That's ok,' I whisper, feeling uncomfortable. 'I...uh...I was just lost in thought.'

'Be careful,' he whispers, leaning in slightly. 'That's a dangerous combination; you and thinking,' he chuckles.

'Hey,' I feign shock. 'You shouldn't be making fun of me,' I laugh.

'And why's that?' he asks, giving me a mocking look.

'Because we're friends,' I breathe out slowly. It feels strange to say it out loud again.

'Right,' he mutters, glancing down to the floor, as I fiddle with my watch: 'Friends.'

'Are you ok?' I ask him; aware that I am sending a worried look his way but it is there before I can stop myself.

'Yeah, I...uh... Dropped by to check on our patient and to let you know that I'm going to be going away for a while,' he admits.

What?

Did he just say that?

He walks around me to have a quick peek at Zola. 'Where's her chart?'

'Uh…at the nurses' station,' I stutter. 'Where are you going?'

'Home,' he whispers, glancing back at me.

What?

'I thought Seattle was your home,' I murmur, not too sure whether I feel angry or sad as I move to stand directly beside him.

'It is,' he smiles at me, looking as surprised as I feel about my last comment. 'I just ... I haven't seen my family in a long time and it is about time I went back home for a visit,' he explains.

'Oh,' I sigh. 'Well, that's understandable,' I breathe. 'They must miss you, especially your mom,' I whisper as I reach into Zola's cot and fix her blanket, before stroking her cheek. 'Everyone should have a mom,' I slip out.

'Are you ok?' he asks, placing his hand on my arm. It takes everything in me not to flinch as he's so close to me.

'Yeah, I'm fine,' I sigh, aware that I don't even believe me. 'I'll just go get Zola's chart,' I smile, walking towards the door.

'Mer, I'll ...'

'I'll be back in a minute,' I whisper, retreating out of the room and breathing a sigh of relief as I finally leave Derek's eye vision.

He's leaving.

**Please comment and let me know what you think. Don't worry about Meredith and Derek's conversation. I promise you'll get to read that later in the story.  
**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended**

**Thank you for all your encouraging comments. Hope you all enjoy this update. Meredith and Derek are taking the time they need. I must say, I do love Carolyn Shepherd. She is a very wise woman and over the next few updates, you will see why…**

**Derek's Point of View**

'It's so good to have you here Derek,' my mum smiles at me from across the table. She's barely taken her eyes off me since I arrived home 3 days ago.

'It's good to be back mom,' I whisper.

'Derek?' she questions me. I know where this is going.

'Mom, please leave it,' I plead. I don't mean to sound rude but ever since I've been back, every female in the family has taken their turn to push and probe me about what's happened between Meredith and I. They're only worried about me; I know that. I do. However, I came to New York to escape all things Meredith. The reality is though, no matter where I am in the world, I'll never be able to escape her. I love her. I really love her & that'll never change...

Whether I see her every day or not.

Whether she is with someone or not.

Whether I am with someone or not.

Whether we are friends or not.

She'll always be the love of my life.

Kathleen would have a field day with this, if I opened up to her. She would try and 'fix' the situation with her psychotherapy babble.

'I can't leave it,' she mocks me. 'You're my son and I want you to be happy.'

'I am...'

'Don't you dare lie to me Derek Christopher Shepherd,' my mom states. 'There is something going on and I want to know what. I ...'

'Mom,' I interrupt. 'There...'

'I'm not asking Derek,' she whispers, giving me that look, as if I'm five years old again and have been caught with my hands in the cookie jar. 'I'm telling you,' she warns.

Great.

Just great.

'She wants us to be friends,' I start. 'She's over me.'

'What makes you say that?' Mom asks, looking bewildered. 'Why does she just want to be friends?'

'I may have screwed up,' I laugh bitterly, staring into my coffee mug.

'Derek, how have you screwed up here?' Mom asks gently. The woman has the patience of a saint. She'd have to, raising five children on her own. Well six, if you include Mark.

'Meredith found out from Addison that I was married,' I begin, 'which did a lot of damage. It hurt her a lot.' I hate to admit.

'Ok,' my mom nods as I look up at her. 'That's understandable.'

'Meredith found out recently from one of her friends that I kissed a circulating scrub nurse at work. We were dating other people at the time but we then decided to make a go of it but she then found out about the stupid kiss and I was so angry with her for giving up that easily,' I scoff. 'As well as being convinced that I needed to find someone who wanted everything that I want...I...'

'You got lost,' Mom whispers, knowing where I am coming from.

'Yeah,' I sigh, as mom reaches out and gives my arm a squeeze.

'I dated Rose while Meredith and I conducted the medical trial together and at that point I realised I had screwed up but in typical Derek style, I took my frustrations from the trial, from our relationship and took it all out on her. By the time I realised how wrong I was, I realised I was too late,' I murmur, looking into my mom's curious eyes. 'I've lost her. I've really lost her.'

Mom doesn't say anything. She just looks at me. She must think I am pathetic.

'Bull Shit!' she mutters, staring me down, shocking me into silence.

**Meredith's Point of View**

He's been gone a whole week now and I can't deny there's been an ache in my chest since he left. To make matters worse, everyone keeps sending looks of pity my way. What am I supposed to do? How do I get over him?

To make matters worse, Zola will be leaving the hospital soon.

**Derek's Point of View**

Two weeks back in New York and I'm already being driven insane. It's been great spending time with all my nieces and nephews. You always feel as if you're missing out on huge life marks when you live so far away.

I'm doing everything I can to distract myself from thoughts of Meredith, from lots of babysitting to pro-bono cases as Mass General to helping my mom with her gardening. However, nothing seems to work. The phrase 'times a healer' springs to mind but as time goes on, I strangely feel worse about things than better.

**Meredith's Point of View**

'You love him,' Christina sighs.

'Yeah,' I cry. 'I do. I just wish I didn't.

**Derek's Point of View**

'You love her,' Nancy states.

'Yes,' I sigh.

'I'm so sorry Derek,' she whispers, pulling me in for a hug.

**Meredith's Point of View**

'Hey, how is Zola doing?' I ask as I come to stand beside Alex at the nurses' station.

'She's doing great,' he smiles at me. 'A social worker is in right now. She should be able to go home soon.'

'Home?' I query, feeling sick.

'Yeah, they have foster carers organised for her on a temporary basis and then who knows,' he shrugs.

'Right,' I mutter, feeling wobbly on my feet.

'Are you ok?' he asks me concerned.

'I'm great,' I whisper, giving him a huge smile before rushing away.

She's leaving too.

**Derek's Point of View**

'Are you still ok about coming to Cameron's show tonight?' My mom asks as I sit across from her at the table.

'Of course,' I nod, taking one of the fresh Danishes mom made from the plate. I've missed her home baking.

'Kathleen says he's been practicing every spare moment he has for weeks. She says if she hears the words 'magic tricks' again, she'll need a Psychiatrist herself,' she laughs.

'Trust her to...' I start as I hear my cell start to ring.

'Jacket pocket. It's hanging in the kitchen,' mom states as she catches me glancing around the room.

'Thanks,' I murmur, dropping the Danish back down & running to catch whoever is ringing.

Oh...It's Meredith!

Why is she calling?

'Hey,' I breathe, trying to calm myself. 'How are you?'

'Hey,' she says, sounding happy. It is so good to hear her voice. 'I'm good thanks. How are you? Enjoying being back home?'

'It's good, thanks,' I smile, feeling so happy to be speaking to her. 'Although I am missing Seattle and the OR for that matter,' I laugh. 'I could really use the peace and quiet.' I admit.

'Four sisters driving you crazy?' she asks, giggling. That sound is refreshing to hear.

'Understatement of the century,' I laugh.

'Oh, you're in trouble,' she giggles.

'How are things at the hospital? Any good cases?' I ask.

'The very reason I am calling actually,' she confesses. 'Nelson and I are treating one of your patients.'

'Who?' I query.

'A Miss Jenkins,' she replies. 'You removed her spinal tumour a year ago.'

'She's only eighteen years old?' I question, vaguely remembering Miss Jenkins.

'Just turned nineteen,' Meredith whispers. 'All her post-ops have been clear but she collapsed at work today after experiencing terrible back pain. I said to Nelson that I'd call you to get your thoughts. Her notes say all went well with the procedure. There were no complications,' she explains.

'Procedure went smoothly. There was no post-op complications either,' I state. 'I would get an urgent CT. It could be a coincidence but there's...'

'There's a chance it's back,' she finishes. 'Nelson's ordered an urgent CT. We...'

'Get a head CT too,' I request.

'You think there's a possibility...'

'Anything's possible,' I murmur. Apart from us getting back together.

'Derek?' she questions, sounding really hesitant.

'Yeah?' I ask.

'I hope you don't mind...this...'

'This?' I question, wondering what she means and why she is so hesitant.

'Yeah, I mean Nelson wanted to call you himself but I said I would...I mean I've been wanting to call but you're away and it's a holiday and nobody should be disturbed on holiday but we did say we would be friends and I did want to call so when Nelson said...'

'Meredith,' I interrupt, laughing. 'Breathe,' I instruct.

'Sorry,' she says, sounding embarrassed.

'It's ok,' I laugh. 'You don't need to apologise. And for what it is worth, you can always call,' I smile.

'Yeah?' she giggles.

'Yes,' I answer. 'I'll never mind hearing your voice.'

Shit...I shouldn't have said that.

'Well I'll take that as a compliment,' Meredith laughs. 'Thanks Derek. I'd better get back.'

'Ok. Call me when you've got the results,' I sigh, hating that the call is being cut short. I've not spoken to her in weeks.

'I will do. And Derek?' Meredith breathes.

'Yeah?' I ask.

'Thank you,' she giggles. Before I can even respond, she's gone.

I sigh.

Turning round, I catch my mother in the kitchen door way. 'Yeah,' she smiles. 'You've really lost her.'

**Please leave me a comment. Do you see why I love Carolyn? Wait till you see what she does in the next update…**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended**

**I really hope you love Derek and Carolyn in this update as much as I loved writing them…**

**Meredith's Point of View**

'Hello, baby girl,' I whisper, picking Zola up. 'How are you today? I hear you've been such a good girl.' I whisper.

'You really need to get out more,' I hear from behind me.

'Christina,' I sigh.

'You need...'

'Christina, I need your help,' I admit. 'I really need your help.'

**Derek's Point of View**

'Mom, I'm not having this argument with you again,' I sigh, getting out of the car. 'She's moved on. I need to move on too.'

'Derek Christopher Shepherd, I really want to shake you right now.' My mom says, sounding exasperated.

'Mom, please let it go,' I plead, walking up the drive way.

'Derek, you really need some sense knocking into you,' she breathes, as I unlock the front door to her family home. 'You love that girl and instead of doing something about it, you're sitting back in your own self-pity!'

'Self-pity? Self-pity?' I question angrily as I take my jacket off. 'What would you like me to do mom? She's made her feeling perfectly clear!' I exclaim, walking into the front room.

'Derek, you need to fight for her,' my mom smiles sadly at me. 'You need to make her realise you believe she's worth it.'

'Mom, there's no...'

'Have you ever really fought for her Derek?' My mom prods.

'Of course I have!' I shout, feeling myself get defensive.

'Do not take that tone with me,' my mom warns me.

'Sorry,' I mutter.

'Enlighten me,' she whispers as I sit on her comfy sofa.

'What?' I ask, confused.

'Explain to me exactly when you've fought for Meredith,' my mom explains, sitting opposite me.

When she drowned.

'You've got to be kidding...'

'Tell me,' she insists and by her tone, I know she will not back down.

'When she drowned,' I admit, fiddling my thumbs.

'I asked when you have fought FOR HER Derek, not when you have tried to save her life,' she states. 'I can't imagine how hard that was on the both of you but from that point, you retreated into yourself and Meredith pulled away...'

'How do you...'

'Mark has the decency to call regularly,' mom smiles.

'I'm going to kill him,' I smile sadly.

'He's worried about you,' she confesses. 'As am I.'

'I'm fine,' I lie, giving her a smile.

'Now you sound just like her,' she whispers knowingly, seeing right through me.

'Mom...'

'When I lost my brother, I was inconsolable. I felt numb. I didn't want to believe it was happening and I shut everyone out. Especially your father,' mom confesses.

'But you said dad was your rock during that time,' I state, unsure why she is telling me this.

'He was,' she smiles. 'You see, I pushed everyone away and told them I didn't want to be near them which everyone accepted, apart from your father. He accepted I needed space but wouldn't allow me to be left alone and he made damn sure I ate because he wanted me to look after myself,' she whispers sadly. 'I would lay in bed all day and your dad would sit outside the house, all day long, except when he came into the house to prepare my meals...he told me he would invade my space and sit with me if I didn't eat and because I didn't want the company, I ate,' she smiles sadly at me.

'Where did he sleep?' I ask.

'In his car,' she giggles sadly. 'He did that for me Derek; for a whole week, in one of New York's coldest winters. I still can't get over how he never got frost bite.'

'What changed?' I ask curiously.

'The day the funeral came, I told everyone that no one was to be there. I told them I couldn't handle it. As I arrived at the chapel, there was your father. I called him everything under the sun for being there. I even told him that we were over and that I hated him...all for going to my brother's funeral,' she explains as I watch a sad glint flash across her eyes.

'What happened?' I ask, shocked.

'I stood at the front of the chapel as the service took place and about half way through, everything hit me all at once and I began to crumble but before I could even hit the ground, your father caught me. Apparently he'd been standing at the back throughout the service, waiting for me to fall,' she explains. 'Waiting to catch me.'

'You never told me,' I murmur.

'No, I have never told anyone,' she confesses, giving me a small smile. She watches me closely. 'I guess I was embarrassed. Derek, you are just like your father but after everything that's happened with Addison and Meredith, you are afraid to show it.'

'Mom, when Meredith drowned, we both went through something and it pulled us apart and then...'

'Meredith lost her step-mom, her father and she pushed you away even further,' mom finishes for me.

'Yeah, she did,' I nod.

'And you allowed her to,' she whispered, watching me closely.

'I guess I did,' I confess.

'Derek?' Mom questions, standing up and heading to the kitchen.

'Yes?'

'Is she worth it?' she asks gently.

'Yes, she is,' I answer honestly. Every time her name is mentioned, I can't help but smile, despite the pain I feel in my chest.

'Then fight,' she nods, before walking away.

Fight.

_6 weeks later..._

**Meredith's Point of View**

'McDreamy's back today,' Christina states as we make our way out of the kitchen.

'Yeah, I spoke to him last week,' I say, picking up the ironing basket lying on the hall floor and carrying it back into the kitchen.

'Don't you think you should have told him,' she whispers, as I plonk the basket down on the table and head to the island unit to put the coffee machine on.

'I'll...I'll tell him,' I whisper, unsure of what else to say.

'Meredith, his first shift back is tomorrow. He's going to see the Chief today,' she breathes. 'No doubt he'll find out from one of the nurses.'

'Christina,' I groan. 'I'll tell him.'

'When?' she pushes as I turn to face her. Now, I'm annoyed. She has to push it.

'Stay here,' I demand. 'I'll go tell him right now,' I assert, lifting my car Keyes off the unit.

'What?' she shouts shocked.

'Keep you voice down,' I whisper angrily.

'It's 5am and I have a shift,' she urges.

'I'll call the Chief for you, tell him you'll be late,' I explain, as I walk in the hall to put my boots on.

'Meredith,' Christina groans, following me.

'Christina,' I sigh, turning to face her. 'Like you said, I need to tell him and in order to do that, you need to stay here,' I explain. 'I promise I won't be long and you shouldn't be disturbed.'

'Ok,' she sighs reluctantly.

'Thank you,' I smile, rushing out the door, careful not to slam it.

**PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK…**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended**

**Author's Note - In response to Mellie's comment, I would like to say that I take all comments on board, including negative criticism. However, I feel you were not very tactful and by reading your comment, I feel you are more annoyed with how the show went at that particular time. If you don't like this story then you do not need to read it.  
**

**In response to everyone else's comment, thank you so much for your words of encouragement. They mean a great deal. A Big thank you to Jenny for jumping to my defense. I am very grateful!  
**

**Without further a do, I present to you…**

**Derek's Point of View**

Only back in Seattle one night and I can't sleep. My mind is buzzing with ideas for Meredith and me.

I'm glad I came out to the lake to fish. It gives me the chance to completely clear my mind just like the OR does but I'm not on the schedule until tomorrow. I only have to go in today to speak to the Chief and check in with my department. Although, I will be trying to catch Meredith as well. Scratch that – I will catch her.

Most people would think that getting up at 3am and going fishing would be crazy but I love that. It's just gone 5:45am and I'm still watching the calmness of the water. It's so peaceful.

'Morning,' I hear from behind me.

'Meredith,' I smile, slightly stunned, turning to see her standing there. 'Hey,' I laugh.

'Hi,' she giggles, and I sense her awkwardness. 'I hope you don't mind me dropping by like this,' she murmurs as I stand from my fold out chair, discarding my fishing pole and start to walk towards her. 'I brought you a coffee,' she smiles, handing me one of the cups she has in her hands.

'Thanks,' I nod before taking a couple more steps and pulling her in for a hug.

'It's good to have you back,' she whispers sincerely.

'It's good to be back,' I tell her truthfully. Especially since she's in my arms. However, as quick as she is, she's not. 'What are you doing here so early?' I ask casually.

'I hope you don't mind me dropping by like this,' she repeats. I watch her closely and realise she is nervous.

'Of course not,' I answer quickly. If anything, I want nice surprises like this – especially from her.

'Good because I have something to tell you and ...'

'I actually have something to tell you too,' I admit, feeling a wave of nerves wash over me.

'Oh yeah?' she asks, looking like I feel. 'What do you have to tell me?'

'No, you first,' I insist. 'It must be important if you're looking this nervous.'

'That bad huh?' she laughs as she fidgets with her watch.

'What is it Meredith?' I prod gently, giving her a reassuring smile.

'I...uh...I...'

'Meredith?'

'I adopted Zola,' she confesses, watching me closely while I begin to feel like the ground has been knocked from under me.

'Derek?' I hear her question me in a concerned voice.

Ok, maybe surprises from Meredith aren't the best thing to hope for.

**Meredith's Point of View.**

'Oh?' Christina questions me, looking as baffled as I was. Now, I am just plain angry. 'That's all he said? 'Oh?' '

'Yeah,' I breathe, carrying Zola into her high chair to feed her breakfast.

'What a B…'

'Language,' I warn, managing to intervene quickly.

'Sorry,' she mutters before her face softens, watching me.

'Are you ok?' She asks with concern. What is she doing? Christina doesn't do emotion. Especially, concern and pity; two looks she's managing to give me right now.

'Of course I am,' I assure her. 'I have my ZoZo,' I giggle as I give Zola's tummy a little tickle. Her giggle is infectious and always manages to make me smile.

All I need is her.

She's my everything.

'I need to get going. I'm on Sloan's service today. Just call me if you need anything,' she urges.

'I will. Thanks Christina,' I smile at her before crouching down and lifting one of Zola's arms for her to wave bye to her Auntie. 'Bye, bye Aunt Christina. Say bye, bye,' I whisper in a baby voice.

'Bye baby girl,' she waves and smiles at Zola as she giggles in her high chair. 'Bye,' she nods at me before heading out the door.

**Derek's Point of View**

'Sloan, a word, now!' I demand, walking past a stunned looking Mark at the nurses' station, heading straight for the main attending's lounge.

At least it's empty.

'What the hell's wrong with you man?' he demands, following me into the lounge and shutting the door.

'Two words,' I seethe, turning to face him. 'Zola Grey,' I breathe, feeling weird as I say her full name for the first time.

'Ok,' Mark says slowly. 'Meredith finally told you?'

'Yeah, she told me,' I laugh bitterly. 'The question is; why didn't you tell me?' I ask angrily.

'Why didn't I?' Mark asks stunned. 'Derek, what the hell is going on with you?' he questions me bewildered.

'The amount of times we've been on the phone and you didn't think...'

'Derek, it was up to Meredith to tell you. She wanted to tell you herself, face to face,' he explains. 'Now, what...'

'All that time I spent telling you how I planned to...wait...she WANTED to tell me face to face?' I question him, slightly confused. 'Why would she want to do that?'

'You tell me,' he mutters. 'What the hell is going on in that head of yours?'

'She adopted her,' I murmur, sitting on the couch, Mark watching me closely.

'It's not official yet,' Mark sighs. 'She still has to go in front of a judge and that's going to take a while but…yeah, she has,'

'She-adopted-her,' I breathe, emphasising each word.

'Derek, she's happy,' he sighs. 'She brought a little girl into her home and made it her own and you're an idiot if you don't realise that you don't just have Meredith to fight for - you now have a family to fight for,' he laughs. 'Now go be a man and fight for what you want.'

**Meredith's Point of View**

I'm exhausted.

I'm physically and emotionally exhausted.

I've loved having these few weeks off of work to spend time with Zola but that girl is more exhausting than surgery. Not that I would have it any other way. She's a little star and one that I am determined to show off to the world as my daughter. I will make sure she has a good life. My little girl will get everything she wants and needs plus more. Not that she'll be spoiled, of course. I won't raise her to be spoiled.

Doorbell.

Who's that at this time?

I hastily move my tired body up from the sofa, towards the front door. I feel so old.

Derek.

'Hey,' he smiles at me through the glass doors, a bunch of flowers in one hand and a present bag in the other.

'Hey,' I murmur, unsure of what to say or do.

'Can I come in?' he asks me hesitantly.

'Sure,' I smile mildly, letting him in. I would have said no if he didn't look as anxious as I did this morning.

'These are for you,' he whispers, stepping into my hallway and handing me the bunch of flowers.

'Thanks,' I nod, taking them from him, feeling a strange tingle as our hands accidentally touch.

'And this is for Zola,' he beams, happily.

What the hell has gotten into him?

'Thanks,' I murmur, taking the present bag. 'She's sleeping,' I shrug.

'Sing her to sleep, did you?' he asks with a chuckle.

'Don't start,' I warn playfully, walking into the kitchen to put the flowers in water. 'You didn't have to do all of this,'

'Yes, I did,' he answers while a serious, apologetic expression washes over his face. 'I'm so sorry for this...'

'You were in shock. It was the last thing you expected me to tell you,' I interrupt. 'It's ok,' I assure him. I spent most of today being mad at the very man in my kitchen, but I can't keep allowing this to happen. Zola comes first. She always will. That can't happen if I keep allowing my feelings for Derek to affect me.

'It's not,' he shakes his head. 'I was just stunned because we'd spoken on the phone and...'

'I wanted to tell you face to face,' I admit quietly.

'Thank you,' he smiles. 'So, how is she doing? How are you doing?' He asks, seeming genuinely interested.

'She's great,' I answer automatically. 'Exhausting,' I laugh. 'But great,' I smile, fixing the flowers in a vase before making Derek and I a mug of coffee.

'That's great,' he breathes, sitting on a stool. 'Is there anything you or Zola need? Anything at all?'

'No, we're good,' I breathe. 'We're really good,' I smile at him, handing him a mug. 'How was your first day back at the hospital?'

'It was boring to be honest,' he confesses. 'Lots of consults but no surgeries.'

'Ah, one of those days,' I giggle, sitting next to him.

'I'm sorry to drop by so late but I didn't want to go home tonight with this hanging over my head. I was in shock when you told me but it doesn't excuse the way I behaved,' he whispers, embarrassed.

'You did exactly what everyone else did,' I confess. 'When I told Christina, she spent the entire shift by my side, trying to talk me out of it.'

'That doesn't make it right,' he breathes. 'What you've done for Zola took a lot of courage Meredith. What you have done for that little girl up there is amazing and she's so lucky to have you as a mom.'

Uh-oh.

He's being McDreamy.

Say something.

Say anything.

'Uh...uh...Thanks Derek,' I stutter.

Oh God.

'I mean I really appreciate it,' I smile awkwardly as he watches me closely.

Why did he have to be so nice?

'If there is anything I can do to help, anything at all, just let me know,' he tilts his head to smile at me. 'I mean it Meredith. We're friends and I want to help in any way I can.'

'Friends. Right,' I mutter before I can stop myself.

'Are you ok?' he asks, genuinely concerned.

'Uh...yeah, just really tired,' I lie.

'I'm sorry,' he whispers, still looking worried as he goes to move off the stool. 'I should let you...'

'You're the first adult company I've had all day. Where do you think you're going?' I ask, giggling.

Derek looks at me closely and starts to chuckle. 'The joys of motherhood,' he laughs.

'Besides, you haven't told me about New York,' I smile, interested in what he's been up to. 'Unless you have to get back to...'

'No,' Derek smiles, sitting back down beside me. 'There's nowhere I'd rather be right now.'

'Well, did you meet anyone while you were out there?' I blurt out, stunning Derek and myself.

Why did I have to ask him that?

Why did that have to come out?

'No,' he shakes his head, watching me closely. 'I realised that I have everything I could possibly need, right here,' he whispers thoughtfully.

Oh.

'Me too,' I confess, feeling a huge weight being lifted off my shoulders.

…**an update, you hopefully all enjoyed. Please let me know.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended**

**THANK YOU for all the lovely comments. Really appreciate them. :D For those who are not enjoying this story then you don't need to read it. Hope you all enjoy this update…**

**Derek's Point of View**

The past few weeks have been amazing to say the least. Meredith has allowed me to help her with Zola. She has actually allowed me to help. The three of us have been spending a lot of time together, including a whole day together at the zoo. It feels like we are a proper family, even though Meredith & I aren't actually together. I try not to dwell on that too much just now. It'll happen. I just need to give it time. For Meredith and me, it's Zola who comes first. Well for me, it is Meredith and Zola who come first in my life.

Today though, I am more than just excited. Meredith is returning to work and she is finally back on my service.

It's weird how I have spent months living under a dark cloud but the past few weeks, I have woken up knowing that 'It's going to be a great day.'

I catch Meredith out the corner of my eye, walking into the Resident's Lounge with Zola in her arms.

Yes...today is definitely going to be a great day.

**Meredith's Point of View**

It feels so good to be back in the OR and operating again. Finally.

Now, don't get me wrong, I love Zola. I'm missing her like crazy right now but to be able to do a job that I love is important to me. Being able to be around other adults and talk about adult things is essential because you start to feel you lose yourself if you don't.

Derek's been great company these past few weeks and the fact that we've been able to spend time with one another without there being any pressure has made me so happy and comfortable. Plus, he has been a huge help with Zola, especially when I start to freak out when I think I am doing wrong.

'That's the third time you've been here today,' I hear Derek say from behind me and I know he is smiling.

'Keeping tabs on me Dr Shepherd?' I ask, giggling playfully.

'Maybe,' he chuckles. 'Missing her?' He questions me gently, as he stands beside me, at the window, looking into the daycare centre.

'Yeah,' I sigh, watching my little girl sleep peacefully in one of the assistants arms. 'It's just...I...uh...'

'You love being back in the OR but being there means missing Zola and then when you're at home for days on end, being a mum, you miss being in the OR,' Derek finishes for me, still smiling, as we see Zola being taken into the sleeping room of the daycare.

'How do you do that?' I ask, perplexed. I watch him closely as he smiles at me.

'Do what?' He asks.

'Read my mind,' I laugh nervously. 'Know what I am thinking.'

Derek takes a step towards me so we are only a breath apart, leans forward slightly and whispers in my ear, 'because you're both very special to me,' before walking away, leaving me stunned into silence.

What the hell am I doing?

**Derek's Point of View**

'Richard,' I smile as I catch him just as he walks out of his office.

'Derek,' he nods. 'How are things?'

'Really good,' I breathe, 'and I hear things are finally looking up for you.'

'Adele and I are going house hunting this weekend. New place. New memories,' he smiles as we walk along the bridge way together.

'That's great Richard. I'm really pleased for the both of you. You both deserve happiness,' I whisper, feeling a little jealousy spark inside me.

'How are things between you and Meredith?' He asks me, seeming genuinely concerned and intrigued at the same time. No doubt he has heard the rumours. I suppose it's impossible not to in a place like this.

'We're friends.' I smile sadly.

'And?' Richard prods.

'And...I'm helping her with Zola,' I murmur. 'That's it.'

'That's it?' Richard questions, taken aback.

'For now,' I nod. 'I'll get her back Richard but she needs time and while she's taking her time, I intend to earn her trust back. Don't worry,' I assure him. 'I'm not giving up without one hell of a fight.'

'That's the Derek Shepherd I know,' he laughs, patting my back before walking away.

**Lexie's Point of View**

'Thanks again for this Meredith,' I breathe, finally feeling a sense of relief. 'That place was horrible. All those maggots and...'

'Lexie, for the third time, it's fine!' Meredith snaps, looking up at me from her spot on the living room floor, startling me. 'I'm sorry,' she sighs. 'I'm just on edge with the social worker coming tomorrow.'

'That's ok,' I assure her. 'Tomorrow's your visit from the social worker, right?'

'How do you...' She starts to ask, looking unsure.

'I found the letter on the kitchen unit this morning,' I confess. 'I didn't mean to pry but it said, Dr Grey and I checked, in case it was mine. I suppose our mail is going to get...'

'Lexie, it's fine,' she assures me quietly, looking exhausted. 'Yeah, tomorrow is yet another visit,' she smiles at me but I can see the true fear in her eyes.

'Well, as your new roommate and your sister, what can I do to help?' I ask, eager to help her in any way I can.

'Lexie, you don't have to do...'

'Meredith,' I warn, ' you saved my ass by allowing me to move in with you. And, I'm your sister,' I emphasise. 'I'm the Aunt to that happy little girl who is asleep upstairs so tell me what I can do to help,' I tell her, as she looks up at me slightly unsure.

'You could tidy the kitchen while I do in here?' She suggests.

'Consider it done,' I smile at her.

Phew. At last, she is letting me help her. I am just slightly confused as to why Derek is not here.

**Derek's Point of View**

Walking straight into Meredith's house, I am automatically hit with the smell of lavender.

I can hear footsteps upstairs and as much as I wish they are Meredith's, I know they are Lexie's.

She had called me thirty minutes ago and told me I needed to get to Meredith's fast. At first I panicked, thinking something was wrong with Zola but then Lexie said to come straight in but not to make a sound as Zola was sound asleep. I demanded she tell me what's wrong but she just told me to hurry.

Thankfully, Nelson was walking by me at the time and I managed to convince him to take my craniotomy so I could leave. It's a miracle I made it here in thirty minutes considering the traffic.

What the hell is going on though?

'Lexie,' I nod, as I see her rushing down the stairs. 'What the hell is going on?' I ask, seeing how panicked she looks.

'I came home today to find her in a panic, trying to clean everywhere, which is understandable with the social worker coming to visit tomorrow so I ...'

'What?' I question her. 'Why is the social worker coming tomorrow?'

Lexie gives me a startled look. 'It's one of her standard visits before the court case. It basically has to go perfectly so the social worker can sign her approval before Meredith is put in front of the judge.'

'Oh,' I breathe trying to take what Lexie has said in.

'The judge, obviously gets final say but Meredith's freaking out about this final visit because she knows if the Social Worker says no then the judge is definitely going to say no,' she continues to explain. Lexie eyes me for a few seconds. 'Going by the expression on your face, you knew nothing about this,' she sighs, looking stricken.

'Nope,' I mutter, feeling both confused and angry as to why Meredith never mentioned any of this to me.

'Derek,' Lexie sighs. 'You're clearly annoyed and confused but right now, I need you to put that to the side.'

'What do you...'

'She terrified up there,' she sighs, seeming genuinely worried. 'There are photo's scattered all over her room. She is clutching some of them...she can't stop crying and she won't say a word. I spent hours trying to calm her down and get her to slow down when she was jumping from room to room, freaking out about what needed to be done.'

Oh Meredith.

'I'm really worried Derek,' she confesses. 'I tried to call Christina as well but she must be in surgery.'

'She is assisting the Chief with a 'whipple,' I tell her, insulted that, as per usual, Christina was the first person people look to for help with Meredith. Although, Meredith does the same so I should not be surprised. Anytime she has a problem, she calls on Christina to help her or to freak out to.

'Derek, what the hell are we going to do?' Lexie asks, panicking. 'She's in tears, terrified and freaking out. She needs to calm down and get some sleep before...'

'I'll handle it,' I assure her assertively.

'Are you sure?' She questions me hesitantly. 'I mean, Meredith needs me to do some food shopping so that we have stuff in for the social worker visiting tomorrow,' she sighs, 'but I really don't want to leave her like this.'

'If Meredith has asked you for help then you need to follow though,' I tell her, giving her an assuring smile. 'I'll handle things here; don't worry.'

'Okay,' she breathes. 'Will you check on Zola as well?' She asks me.

'Of course I will,' I nod. Poor Zola.

Meredith needs to get a grip or Zola really will be taken from her and that is not what is best for Zola. She needs her mom and Meredith...Meredith is the best mom Zola could ever wish for.

'Ok,' she nods, grabbing her handbag and coat from the hanger beside me. 'As long as you promise to call...'

'There will be no problems,' I promise her. 'Now you go and leave this to me,' I smile as she gives me a curious look. 'What?' I ask.

'I'll kick your ass if you hurt her,' she tells me straight.

'What are you...'

'It's as clear as day you love her Derek. You had better do a damn better job of supporting and loving her than you did last time because whether you like it or not, she really needs you. She won't recover if you hurt her again,' she whispers, honestly.

Before I even have a chance to respond, she's gone.

**PLEASE, PLEASE COMMENT…**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Thank you for all your ind words of encouragement. I'm sorry this story has not been updated this week. I have not been well. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy this update...  
**

**Meredith's Point of View**

What if she is taken away from me?

What if she is put back in care?

How will she cope?

How will I cope?

My hands will not stop shaking no matter how hard I try to stop them.

'Meredith,' I hear someone whisper and before I know it, someone embraces me from be-hind.

Uh-oh...I am busted.

How come I didn't hear him come in?

I wasn't expecting him, was I?

Oh...Lexie. I'm going to kill that girl!

I can still feel the tears streaming from my eyes. My cheeks are beginning to burn thanks to the amount I have cried. Lucky, Zola hasn't seen me like this.

Zola; my daughter.

My beautiful baby girl.

'It's going to be okay Meredith,' I hear Derek whisper in my ear as he pulls me even closer to him.

'I...I...can't...'

'It's okay,' he assures me in a soft, gentle voice. This is exactly why I love him. 'You don't have to say anything,' he whispers, rubbing his hand up and down my arm while his other hand is wrapped round me, squeezing my frozen cold hand. 'It's okay,' he repeats. 'I'm here.'

'Zola...' I manage to breathe out through my tears.

'Is sound asleep in the nursery,' I hear Derek say. I know he is smiling. 'She's perfect Meredith and she is not going anywhere. We are all going to make sure of that.'

It takes a village to raise a child. My child will be raised by the most weirdest and wonderful village. That, I will make damn sure happens!

**Derek's Point of View**

She looks so small and scared. I can understand because Zola means everything to her; the same way she and Meredith mean everything to me. I cannot bear the thought of losing either one of them.

Meredith needs to find a way to be okay tomorrow. She needs to pull through this dark tunnel because the social worker needs to see her at her best tomorrow.

I want to ask her why she has a whole load of family pictures scattered across the floor and why is she clutching a couple in her hands but I won't because I don't want to set her off again. She needs to stay calm and I have a feeling that asking her would probably work her up instead of keep her calm so instead I just keep rubbing my hand up and down her arm while holding her close.

"What time is the social worker coming tomorrow?" I prod gently.

"Around 2 o' clock, why?" she asks me. I can hear hesitancy in her voice. At least she did not flinch when I asked.

"I have an idea," I whisper, "but it involves you getting a good night's sleep," I state.

"Derek, I…"

"You've already scrubbed the house from top to bottom Meredith and Lexie has went out to get some shopping so we are all set for the visit tomorrow therefore we are going to do exactly what I have planned," I emphasise.

"Why?" Meredith asks and even though she isn't looking at me, I can tell she is smiling.

"Because I said so," I murmur, causing her to giggle. "There it is," I whisper. "I'll never get tired of hearing that sound."

"Derek…"

"By the way," I start, not wanting her to respond to my comment. I know she doesn't want to be an 'us' right now and I'm okay with that but I am not lying about how I feel. She'll just need to get used to it. "Is Lexie living here?"

"Yeah," she sighs. "She was living with George but the place wasn't exactly a home to them but it was for all the bugs they had lying around."

"Oh," I breathe, surprised.

"She needed somewhere to go and with Thatcher being Thatcher, she couldn't be…"

"I get it," I smile, really happy that she and Lexie are finally starting to peacefully coexist. "You're being a big sister," I whisper. "That's good."

"Is it?" She asks quietly.

"There isn't a limit on how many people you should have around you Meredith," I explain. "Don't you think it's a good thing?" I ask her gently, throwing the ball back in her court. The last thing I want her to think is that I'm having a go at her.

"Yeah, I do," she confesses. "And Zola deserves to have an Aunt around her who actually knows what she is doing," she mutters lightly making me chuckle. "It's not funny," she scolds lightly. "You know what Christina is like and I swear Izzie is going to smother her one of these days, the way she constantly coddles her. Don't get me wrong, they are both so good with her but its two different extremes. At least Lexie has the experience with Molly and Laura."

"That's true," I laugh. "Plus, she's a live in babysitter if you ever need her."

"Exactly," Meredith giggles before yawning. "I have it all planned," she jokes with a sigh.

"Sleep Mer," I urge. "You need your sleep."

"Yeah," she sighs. "I think I will."

"I'll be right here," I assure her.

"The spare room has been…"

Oh no!

"I'm not going anywhere Meredith," I whisper, determined. "I am staying right here."

"Good," I feel her smile as she starts to drift off. "Night."

"Sweet dreams Meredith," I whisper in her ear before leaning over gently to kiss her fore-head, causing her to moan before she drifts off and the sound of her soft snores fill the once quiet room.

It isn't until I know she is sound asleep that I carefully extract the two pictures from her hand.

Oh Meredith!

One is of her and Zola curled up in bed together. Neither Zola nor Meredith are looking at the camera as they are too busy smiling at one another. The other is of Thatcher, Ellis and Meredith. Meredith is at her dad's feet, hugging him close, looking up at him with her big green eyes while Ellis is standing beside them at a distance watching with a look that can only be described as disdain on her face.

These two pictures pretty much sum up everything about Meredith's life.

Now we are going to make sure this does not happen to Zola!

**Meredith's Point of View**

I'm going to kill Derek Christopher Shepherd. Who the hell does he think he is? It's 9am. It's 9 friggin' am and he didn't bother to wake me. Why the hell didn't he wake me? Couldn't he be bothered? There is too much to do and I have Zola to see to. What was he thinking? To sleep in today of all days is just my luck…Just my friggin' luck!

Oh-My-God…

Coming down the stairs, I notice a canvas on the wall of my hallway. It's the picture I had in my hand last night of Zola and I.

How did it get there?

And who the hell got it put on a…

"Good morning," Derek smiles at me as I spot him walking out of the kitchen. He gives me a kiss on the cheek. "You've ruined the surprise," he chuckles at me. "If you'd waited five more minutes, Zola and I would have been bringing you breakfast in bed."

"Who?...How?...What?..." I stutter out, pointing at the canvas in my hallway.

"Zola and I were up and out early this morning. We wanted to surprise you," he confesses, watching me closely and even though he is smiling, I can see the worry in his eyes. "I thought you'd like it but if you don't then I can take it down and…"

"Thank you," I murmur softly, feeling myself smile. "I love it." I can feel myself starting blush as I keep my eyes on the canvas and Derek keeps his eyes on me.

"How did you sleep?" He prods carefully.

"Great, thanks," I breathe, turning to look at him. Oh crap! I slept in! "Derek, why did you let me sleep in so…"

"Because you needed your sleep," he scolds me lightly, not caring that he interrupted me. I hate how he always manages to do that; especially when he's finishing my train of thought. It is spooky.

"Besides, Zola and I have it all worked out," he chuckles.

"Oh, you do, do you?" I ask, giggling. What the hell are they up to?

"Yes," he assures me with a smirk. Ok, now I am definitely not convinced. "We have a plan," he chuckles while raising his eyebrow at me.

"Care to fill me in on your plan?" I ask as I hear Zola giggling in the kitchen. I make a step to go around Derek but he's quick to slide in front of me, blocking my way.

"No," he whispers with a shake of his head.

"Derek, I want to…"

"We will be up in two minutes to give you your breakfast so I suggest you hurry up and get back into bed before you hurt me and your very excited daughter…"

"But I…"

"Go!" He orders with a smirk on his face.

"Ok, ok," I surrender, giggling as I hold my hands up. As I turn to walk back up the stairs, Derek smacks me on the ass.

"Quick march," he chuckles.

"I don't like this whole new bossy side of you," I giggle as I head up the stairs.

"You love it!" he shouts after me. Before I head into my bedroom, the last sound I hear is Derek and Zola laughing and giggling together in the kitchen. Now this is what I call home.

**Derek's Point of View**

Last night I was so worried about Meredith. That worry hasn't disappeared this morning; if anything it has heightened which I didn't think possible. However, last night, I slept in the same bed as the love of my life, holding her close to me. Last night, for the first time, she allowed me to help her. The fact she has allowed me to help her with Zola over the past few weeks has been a huge step forward for her but last night she allowed me to help her for her. She is making great progress. Even if she cannot see it; I can!

'Breakfast is served,' I smile, carrying in a tray full of goodies. Meredith smiles up at me from her spot on the bed. She looks comfy, sitting up with the pillows fluffed up at her back.

'Thank you,' she smiles appreciatively as I place the tray on her lap. 'Wow, this smells amazing.'

'Well it's no cold pizza,' I joke, sitting down on the bed, facing her.

'Are you mocking me?' She asks with a laugh, cutting into her blueberry pancakes.

'Me? Mock you? I wouldn't dream of it,' I smirk. 'Although, you have to admit that your cooking skills don't leave much to be desired.'

'I can't believe you just said that,' Meredith feigned shock, lifting a pillow from her side and whacking me over the chest with it.

'Watch your perfectly cooked breakfast,' I scold her. 'Zola would be hurt to know that you ruined the breakfast we carefully prepared for you by trying to hurt me with a pillow," I chuckle before stealing one of the strawberries out of the bowl while Meredith takes another bite of the pancakes and moans loudly with her eyes closed.

Ok, I didn't need to hear that. Hearing that reminds me of…

'Where is Zola?' Meredith asks, slightly concerned.

'She's downstairs. I'll just go get her,' I assure her, getting up from the bed and heading for the bed.

'Derek,' she calls after me.

'Yeah?' I turn to face her.

'Thanks,' she beams up at me, making my heart swell. 'Just…thanks…for this," she smiles.

'You're welcome,' I smile and nod at her before leaving her to enjoy some breakfast in peace while I grab Zola.

**Meredith's Point of View**

Derek is being so sweet to Zola and I; I can't quite wrap my mind around it though. It feels strange to me – foreign. I guess I feel like I am standing on the fence waiting for the bad to show up.

After I demolished my breakfast, I played with Zola as well as getting her washed and changed into a dress I ordered online for her last week. I want her to look her best for the social worker coming this afternoon. Unbeknown to me, Derek ran me a hot bath in the en suite of my bedroom while I was seeing to Zola. I told him he didn't have to but he insisted I soak in the tub, relaxing while he kept Zola entertained and seen to the dishes from break-fast.

When Derek brought Zola up from downstairs while I had breakfast, we felt like a proper family. We were lying on the bed talking and Zola couldn't help but laugh at the both of us as we laughed at one another. We then started to laugh at her laughing at us and before we all knew it, we couldn't stop. Even my ZoZo had tears in her eyes from all the laughing. She is such a sweetheart. You can't help but love her. The problem is that I love her but I now also love what the three of us have together because it is really beginning to feel like the three of us are a family. If it was just Derek and I, I would distance myself again but I can't do that now because If I distance myself from Derek then it will only hurt Zola; that wouldn't be fair to her considering she's only just got her family. I can't allow anyone to be taken from her; especially since she is so attached to Derek. But what do I do? I love him and we are spending virtually all our time together. How do I make it stop?

**Hope you all enjoyed this update. Please, please review.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Author's Note – I apologise on the delay of posting this. I hope you all enjoy it though.**

**Derek's Point of View**

'Where did you say we were going again?' Meredith asks me for the fourth time since we got in the car.

'Once again, I-have-not told you where we are going and I-will-not tell you where we are going,' I laugh as she scowls at me from the passenger's seat while Zola has a snooze in her car seat.

'Derek, the social worker is...'

'...coming at 2,' I finish for her. 'I know. You keep telling me that and I keep reminding you of my first answer to that which was that I promise to have you back in time,' I breathe patiently. 'Just relax,' I whisper, reaching over and taking hold of her hand, trying to ignore the flinch she makes as I do so. 'Everything's going to be fine.'

'You keep saying that!' She snaps. 'Sorry,' she immediately groans afterwards. 'I would just feel better if we were at home so I could prepare...'

'So you could sit in the house and go over and over everything to the point you feel your heads about to burst just like the way you felt last night?' I ask lightly. 'Absolutely not Meredith,' I urge as I pull into an available parking space. Meredith is lost in thought and can't even see where we are. 'Hey,' I sigh, turning the engine off and turning right around, 'what do you say to Zola, you and I having a picnic and feeding the ducks?'

She finally looks around us and sees where we are. To my relief, she smiles.

'We could take her on the carousel?' she asks with a smile.

'Sounds good,' I smirk, enjoying the thought of a quiet lunch time with my two favourite girls before the chaos begins back at home – correction, Meredith's. I need to stop doing that. I would be lying if I was to say that I am not nervous about what this afternoon may bring but Meredith and Zola need me to be the calm one. It's kind of like the way you have to be in the OR; the panic and chaos happens around you with every case so it is my job as the surgeon to take control of the mayhem.

'I'm sorry,' Meredith murmurs softly, pulling me from my thoughts.

'What do you have to be sorry about?' I ask watching her closely.

'I didn't mean to seem ungrateful on the road here….'

'Meredith,' I sigh, reaching over and stroking her cheek, 'you have a lot going on. What you're doing for Zola is a huge deal. I would be worried if you weren't stressed and snappy. There's no need to apologise; I just want to help,' I smile, moving my hand away. I need to keep reminding myself that I MUST tread carefully.

'It's very much appreciated,' she admits.

'What do you say we wake her up?' I ask, nodding my head towards a sleeping Zola, 'and take her to feed the ducks?'

'I'll get the stuff out of the car,' she quickly jumps out the car laughing. 'You can be the one to wake miss grumpy pants from her nap!' she shouts from outside, still laughing.

Meredith and I may not be together but that doesn't mean I'm not happy spending days like this. I only hope there are plenty more to come.

**Meredith's Point of View**

This is exactly what I needed; that doesn't mean to say I like it when Derek's always right though. Watching Zola on the carousel with Derek, I snap pictures of the two of them as Derek lifts Zola's tiny hand to wave at me. They're both grinning from ear to ear. I had taken my turn with Zola on the carousel before and Derek had managed to take many good photos of the two of us from the moment I stood in the queue with her to when I lifted her off of the horse. In fact, Derek hasn't really stopped snapping pictures since we arrived at the park. There's a few already that he is desperate to print and frame; one of Zola and I crouched down on the grass, feeding the ducks and the other one is of the three of us sitting on the picnic blanket

'Is she yours?' I hear someone ask from beside me. I turn to see an older woman watching Zola giggle loudly as Derek whispers something to her from her place on his lap.

'Yes, she is,' I smile proudly. I love this part. I love when people come up and ask me if she is mine; she is, without a shadow of a doubt, my daughter. Whether the adoption has went through or not, she's mine. I feel it.

'She's beautiful,' the woman smiles at me for a second before turning back to watch Derek and Zola as they spin round the carousel on a pink and gold horse. You can tell Derek has no issues with his feminine side.

'Thank you,' I nod, aware that my little girl is now staring at Derek's hair. Please don't fall for that Zola. Please don't. Zola is not allowed to be fascinated with…uh-oh…she's pulling it. She's actually managed to reach up and pull it. The woman and I start to giggle.

'I always love that picture,' she admits quietly as we watch Derek tactfully take Zola's hand and unclasp it from his hair.

'What picture's that?' I ask softly, wondering what the hell she's talking about. She's barely taken her eyes off Derek and Zola as they spin in and out of our vision.

'A father and daughter together, laughing and giggling,' she confesses.

'Oh, I…' I start to correct her but the woman continues, oblivious of me trying to intervene.

'It's such a precious sight,' she whispers while I catch a glimpse of sadness in the corner of her eyes. I turn to watch Derek and Zola just as she does.

'I mean it's always nice to see a family together and I seen you all earlier, over on the grass having a picnic and you all looked so happy together, laughing and giggling,' she breathes. We watch as Derek lifts Zola's hands in the air while she laughs, giggles and stretches her head right back to catch sight of the funny faces Derek is making from behind her. 'But there is just…something when you see a little girl with her daddy, smiling, looking at him, knowing he is the most important man in their life; then there's the fact they have their daddy wrapped around their little finger,' she jokes.

'Are you ok?' I ask with genuine concern for this stranger. She's become very pale and I can see she looks tired.

'I'm fine dear,' she nods. 'Thank you for asking.'

I'm trying to think of something to say…but I can't. What do you say to a stranger who just randomly walks up to you and starts talking to you? Are you supposed to share your deepest darkest secrets with them? Are you supposed to stand, talking to them, trying to decipher what problems they have going on in their life and offer to help them?

'You have a wonderful family; one to be proud of,' she murmurs. 'Forgive me for being so bold but may I give you a piece of advice?'

'Sure,' I answer, unsure if I should say anything else. Although, what piece of advice could she possibly think she could give me about my family when she doesn't even know my name? All she's done is stand and watch us. Creepy. Wait – Did I just refer to Zola, Derek and myself as a family? I should have corrected this woman the moment she called us a family. Why didn't I?

'Don't let go,' she whispers so softly, I almost did not hear her.

'Excuse me?' I prod.

'Hold on for dear life and don't let go,' she answers, a little more firmly with a sense of determination. She's watching me closely again. It feels weird; as if she knows me.

'What…'

'Everything can be gone in a split second. Everything and everyone you love vanishes in an instant; right before your eyes…'

'Are you sure you're ok?' I ask again. This isn't normal. Is it?

'I know you must think I'm crazy but …I just…You have a wonderful family and you all look so happy which is a rarity these days with so many people getting divorced, kids hiding up in their rooms surrounded by so much technology that they wouldn't know what a pencil is if it hit them over the face. We're surrounded by more and more disasters each day,' she says thoughtfully. 'Anyway, I think I've taken up enough of your time.' She takes one last glance at Derek and Zola as I catch Derek give us a curious look.

'Wait!' I call as she walks away.

As I approach her, I wonder why I've called and stopped her in her tracks. It's obvious. It has to be.

'I'm sorry for your loss,' I whisper as she looks at me with surprise. 'I can't even imagine what you must be feeling.'

She's a mother. She has a mother's look about her.

'I'm sorry for being so sentimental,' she apologises. 'There are days where it catches up with me and today…watching the three of you…It has been nice to see. Like I said,' she smiles, 'you don't see it very often.'

'Thank you,' I nod sincerely. 'Can I ask…can I…'

'Car accident,' she answers, obviously knowing what I was trying to stutter out.

'I'm very sorry,' I whisper, wondering what this woman must be going through. I can't imagine her pain. If I lost Zola?...Derek?...I would be a wreck.

'It was twenty years ago today and I still remember every detail as if it was yesterday. My husband and I had been arguing. We were both spending too much time at work and not enough time with the kids; two daughter; Lucy was eight and Samantha was four,' she smiles with a look of pride in her eyes. 'They had their daddy wrapped round their little fingers. Anything they wanted, they would get. We made sure to teach the girls values though. They may have been spoiled but we were adamant they were not going to behave that way,' she laughs making me laugh too. 'We had decided to take the girls to see Cinderella at the theatre. They were both so excited. It was going to be our first family outing in months. My husband and I were both newspaper journalists and in order to stay at the top of the game, we had to sacrifice a lot of family time,' she explains as I wince, knowing all too well the sacrifice she is talking about, 'but when you start to miss the milestones in your kids' lives, the guilt you normally feel starts to consume you; it eats at you. It ended up being the cause of many of me and Matthew's rows.'

'I can only imagine,' I whisper, thinking about Derek and I and how our lives are owned by the hospital.

'Anyway, we were in the car, singing along to music. It was a cold winters' night and the snow was heavy. I told Matthew we should take a cab but he insisted he drove. He told me he knew what he was doing and to stop fretting. He even joked that I was turning into my mother,' she laughed. 'No woman ever wants to hear that,' she continues with a sad smile. 'We were all happily singing away. We never saw the other car coming. The car skidded on a large piece of ice on the road and hit us out of nowhere. My husband died instantly and my girls' died in hospital a few hours later,' she breathes as a single tear falls down her cheek.

'I am so sorry,' I murmur, watching as she brushes her tear away. What do I say? What else can I possibly say?

'How do you deal with it?' I ask her.

'The pain never goes away,' she confesses honestly. 'You just find a way to live with it.'

'I can't even begin to imagine. I really can't,' I breathe.

'You don't have to dear,' she sighs, reaching her hand out and rubbing my arm. 'You have a beautiful family over there. Don't waste a second,' she insists, taking my hand in hers and giving it a squeeze. 'Hold on and don't let go,' she murmurs with a smile and before I can say anything else, she's gone.

**Derek's Point of View**

Meredith had started behaving really strange when I came back from the carousel with Zola. At first I told myself it was because of the social worker's visit to the house but something was telling me it wasn't.

And now; now I can't shake that feeling away. My gut tells me she is thinking something but she's doing what she always does and refuses to talk to me about it.

Once we got back to the house, I helped her make her final preparations and offered to stay while Janet was there but she insisted I go. I can't say I didn't feel disappointed; I wanted to be there to help. Although, I understand why I couldn't be there.

'Any word?' Richard asks me for the third time in the space of an hour.

'None,' I sigh, checking my cell for what felt like the millionth time that afternoon. The visit was at 2pm and it's now 7pm. I have tried to call her so many times with no success. I am really starting to worry.

'I'm sure everything's fine,' he says trying to assure me.

'Then why hasn't she called?' I snap.

Richard gives me a pointed look. 'You know what Meredith is like; just give her a little time.'

After I left Meredith's, I came straight to the hospital to distract myself with a few consults in the hope I could leave with within the hour and go straight back to Meredith's but I ended up getting paged into an emergency surgery with Richard.

'Any word?' Mark asks as he walks into the canteen and sits across from us.

'No,' I sigh. 'Not one word,' I mutter while I try to phone her once again, catching sight of Mark and Richard sharing a worried glance out the corner of my eye.

It's ringing out – as usual.

'I'm telling you,' Mark starts, 'she will be out celebrating, showering Zola with gifts. She'll be that distracted, she probably hasn't even thought to check her phone to see if there are any messages.'

'Mark's right. There will be a reasonable explanation,' Richard says, patting me on the shoulder. 'Why don't you go over there now?'

'Yeah, but I need to check on my patients…'

'Mark and I will personally make sure that your patients are okay,' he assures me.

'But neither of you are as good as me,' I joke, trying my best to lighten my mood, staying focused on the fact Meredith probably became distracted after Janet's visit.

**Meredith's Point of View**

'Zola, your mommy is one crazy lady; did you know that?' I squeak in a baby voice as I push her around in the shopping cart, feeling myself panic at the simple task of choosing something for dinner.

Me? Cook dinner?

Take away is definitely the tastier and safer option but this needs to be meaningful.

'Do you think I'll give us food poisoning by cooking lasagne Zola?' I ask. 'Or is that too adventurous for your momma?'

Why, oh why did I think this would be a great idea? A nice surprise?

Yep…I really am crazy.

**I really hope you enjoyed this update. I am sorry you had to wait so long for this update. I'm hoping to update again within the next week. Please let me know what you think though.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Author's Note – Thank you so much for your support on this fic and I really hope you all continue to enjoy it. This is just a wee short update…**

**Meredith's Point of View**

'You kissed him?' Christina asks as we make our way into Seattle Grace.

'Yeah,' I nod firmly. 'I threw caution to the waves or whatever,' I sigh, waving my hand in the air.

'Wind! It's wind!' She screeches in my ear. 'What is it with you and water?' She asks slightly snarky.

'Not appropriate,' I warn her giving her a pointed look.

'Appropriate is not having to hear you talking about you and Dr McDreamy's tonsil dance before I've even had my morning coffee,' she states in a huff.

'Someone's cranky,' I observe.

'Someone's not getting any,' Christina mutters as we step onto an empty elevator.

'Ah, so that's what this mood is all about,' I giggle before I can stop myself.

'Not appropriate,' she tries to mimic me.

'Wow,' I breathe. 'You really need to get laid,' I say, stating the obvious.

'You're telling me,' Christina sighs, watching the lights on the elevator as we descend. 'Yesterday, I even resorted to imagining sleeping with an intern and our bunch can't seem to tell their asses from their elbows!'

'You didn't?' I ask, laughing through my tears.

'It's not funny!' She snaps.

'I'm-sorry,' I say, mustering through my giggles unable to contain myself.

'Great! My person is laughing at me because I'm desperate for sex and to make my day even better, I'm spending the day teaching interns in the skills lab!'

'Well...'

'I mean, how insulting? A surgeon with my skill set does not belong in the skills lab, surrounded by interns who are...are...'

'Derek's treating a baby with a Rhabdoid Tumour today,' I confess, 'and I'm on his service,' I whisper causing Christina to glare at me until she hears three magic words. 'Want to switch?'

'Why the hell would you want to miss out...oh, you're avoiding him?' Christina moaned, rolling her eyes. I know why she did that. She sees this as deva-vu.

'Christina...the baby is the same age as Zola,' I confess out loud. 'I can't,' I state looking into her confused eyes.

'Mer, you can't let...'

'I swear to you that I'm not avoiding Derek and I'm not letting motherhood affect my ability to be one of the best surgeons but right now, fighting for Zola and the fact it wasn't long ago she was in the hospital...I just...I...'

'Ok, I'll switch,' she nods in assurance, with a huge smirk on her face, as we step off the elevator. She is clearly excited.

'Oh and Christina?' I ask in a whisper, careful that the nurses don't hear what I'm about to say. The one thing you get used to after being in a hospital for so long is that the only thing that spreads quicker than disease is gossip. 'Don't tell Derek the reason I just gave you. I don't know what him and I are but he's also an attending here and the last thing I need is to mommy tracked.'

'You got it,' she smiles as we step into the residents lounge ready to get changed and start our day.

* * *

'Thanks for bring Zola in early this morning Alex,' I smile at him as we eat our lunch together in the canteen.

'You could have used the lie in this morning, not that you took advantage of that,' he says giving me a pointed look. 'Besides I was coming in early anyway,' he states, shrugging his shoulders like it's no big deal.

'Well it is much appreciated,' I thank him, biting into a not so warm French fry. I hate the food in this canteen. Crap! Zola's lunch! 'Oh, did you remember and bring Zola's...'

'Lunch? Yeah, I brought it,' he laughs.

'What is so funny?' I ask him. It's nice to see Alex happy for a change.

'You,' he states, continuing to chuckle.

'What about me?' I hesitate.

'You being all mommy. You've got mommy brain,' he laughed.

'I do not,' I defend weakly.

'Oh yeah?' He smirks. 'How many times did you call me on my way to the hospital to make sure Zola was strapped in right, that she had eaten all her breakfast before we left, that I had put her in the outfit you had laid out for her, did I double check that I had packed the nappies, did I feel there were enough…'

'Alright. Alright,' I concede, feeling my cheeks turn a little pink. 'I may have went a little overboard this morning,' I confess.

'This morning?' Alex scoffs. 'You've been like this since you brought Zola home.'

'I've not been that bad,' I defend myself. Although, thinking back, he makes a good point. 'Anyway, the only reason I was…_that way_…this morning, was because I felt bad for keeping Zola out late last night.'

'Oh yeah. Where did you both go?' He asks, sounding interested.

'Uh…we were at Derek's,' I murmur quietly.

'Got it,' he says quickly. 'No need for any…'

'There was no…we didn't…'

'Yeah right! This is you and him we're talking about,' he scoffs playfully.

'Alex,' I warn with a giggle. 'I promise you, nothing happened. I'm a mom now so I need to be careful. Zola comes first.'

Alex's expression turns serious. 'That's the problem Mer,' he sighs. 'You put everybody first, before yourself. Did you ever consider the possibility that maybe, just maybe, Zola would be happy if you are happy.'

'But I am happy,' I defend myself, not sure what the hell Alex is trying to get at. I've never been happier and it's all down to Zola. ALL down to her.

'Yeah, you are because you _want _Zola in your life but can you honestly look me in the eye and tell me you don't _want _Derek Shepherd?' He asks.

'Will you keep your voice down,' I hiss, aware of all the people watching us. I can feel my cheeks starting to burn with embarrassment. This should not be happening. I-am-a-surgeon. Surgeons do not get embarrassed. Grey's do not get embarrassed.

'No, I won't.' Alex shakes his head. He actually looks so defiant; it's beginning to scare me. 'This is your chance to have it all Meredith and you're not going for it. Why is it that motherhood doesn't seem to phase you but commitment in a relationship does?'

'Alex!' I snap. How dare he! How dare he do this!

'Parenting is a far bigger commitment and you're able to do it in your sleep. It's come natural to you and believe it or not, this past month you've allowed yourself to commit to Derek without actually committing to Derek…'

What the hell?

What is that supposed to me?

'What do you…'

'If you look close to the way you three have been together, you'll see the three of you are a family whether you like it or not. You love him so just accept it and get on with your lives. This isn't an either or situation Mer; you can actually have both and since they're both up for grabs then I'd go for it because if you don't act fast then eventually someone else is going to come along and take the opportunity that you let slip by.'

Suddenly the woman from the park's words come to the front of my mind.

'_You have a beautiful family over there. Don't waste a second'_

'_Hold on and don't let go'_

'Look, I've got to go. I'm assisting Dr Bailey on a kidney transplant this afternoon,' he explains as he stands. I'm too stunned to say anything. I watch as he goes to put his rubbish in the bin and before I know it, he's standing right in front of me again. 'Think about what I said Mer. You're not your mom. You proved that the moment you agreed to fight for Zola. What you've done for her is beyond amazing. You've given her a home which she never had. It would just be nice to see you have something for you though.'

Before I even realise what I'm saying, the words pop out my mouth, 'Thank you Alex,' I smile.

**Derek's Point of View**

I knew it. I knew this would happen. She gives me and inch, I get carried away wanting more and then she starts to avoid me. It's the same pattern.

Why did I have to jump ahead?

Why the hell didn't she talk to me though?

A case like this is a great opportunity which any surgeon would jump at the chance to work on but because of our personal life, she decided to pass the case onto someone else. How stupid could she be? If she really didn't want to speak to me, she could have given me the cold shoulder today. Or better yet, she could have told me she didn't want to talk about last night. She's missing out on a great opportunity.

Is it so much to ask that she would at least have given me a heads up before I walked into the patients room to find Christina treating her?

Of course, typical Christina would not utter a word about Meredith when I asked her if she was ok.

'You'll have to ask Meredith.'

That's all I have heard all morning. I find out from Mark that Meredith is the one teaching interns today in the skills lab. The skills lab over a ground breaking case in neurosurgery?

Plus, there's the panic I felt walking in and seeing Christina there. My instant reaction was something was wrong with Zola or Meredith but the moment Christina shot that down, I knew Meredith was simply avoiding me.

Walking into the elevator, I feel relief that it is empty so I can clear my head in peace. That is until someone enters just as the doors start to shut.

Someone I could have done without seeing.

'Hey,' she smiles at me.

Why the hell is she smiling?

'Hey,' I mutter, turning my head up to watch the numbers above the doors as we descend.

'Are you ok?' she asks gently. She sounds confused. Why the hell is she confused?

'Great,' I whisper sarcastically.

'Derek? What's wrong?' Meredith asks and I swear I hear concern. Shame she wasn't concerned for me this morning when she didn't bother to let me know she had removed herself from my service...again!

'Has this been a fun game for you?' Meredith looks startled. 'Is it fun? Is that what it is?'

'What the hell are you talking about?' She asks and I can tell by her face she is not amused in the slightest.

All of a sudden the lift jolts as Meredith has taken it upon herself to pull the emergency button.

'Really?' I groan loudly. 'Is this really necessary?' I mutter.

'Derek, what has gotten...?'

'It's ok Meredith; I get it! After all the time we have spent together, or should I say not together, I'd be an idiot not to!' I snap at her before starting to pace in this confined space.

'What-are-you-talking-about?' Meredith says patronisingly slowly.

'I'm not stupid,' I mutter sending her a glare.

'Really? You could have fooled me,' she breathes as she crosses her arms over her chest clearly on the defense. 'I have no idea why you're mad at me but when we left things last night, we were great. You seemed happy...'

'Until I came in this morning to find you were back to your old tricks. You really have that avoidance tactic of yours delivered to perfection,' I snap, not bothering to look at her. I can't.

I feel her stunned face staring me down.

'What?...Wait, I...'

'You had the opportunity to assist on a ground-breaking case...' I continue pacing, as Meredith continues to glare at me.

'I did,' she nods as if it is no big deal. That's nice Meredith. Real nice!

'...I needed a resident I could trust and one who would comfort the parents as well as the patient...'

'The patient who is the exact same age as Zola,' she murmurs softly.

'Exactly,' I mutter, 'And could have...wait...' I look up. What did she say? 'What did you say?'

'I said,' she mutters in exasperation, 'the patient who is the exact same age as Zola!'

Silence.

'I...'

What am I supposed to say to that?

Oh, I'm an idiot.

'You idiot!' I'll give her that one. 'How dare you come in here...'

'Meredith, I'm so sorry. I don't know what I was thinking...'

'You were thinking exactly what you thought yesterday. I can't believe we are back here again...in the space of one day! One whole friggin day!' Meredith stares me down as I remain speechless. I really am an idiot.

'Meredith...' I sigh.

'Derek,' she breathes softly and her face softens, 'how many times are we going to have to go through this?' I catch sight of the sadness in her eyes.

'Why didn't you...'

'Come to you?' She finishes my question. 'Because the last time I checked, you were still an attending in this hospital!'

'Meredith, I would have understood. I would have understood if you had came to me.'

'Are you sure about that?' She shoots back at me.

'I am...' I start but Meredith interrupts.

'What Derek? You're what?' Meredith questions me as I bridge the gap between us.

'I'm sorry,' I answer honestly. 'You spent weeks successfully avoiding my service and I guess I thought you were doing the same today, especially after last night,' I confess. 'I thought you were freaking out.'

'What if I had been?' She asks quietly.

'What do you...'

'What if, after last night, I needed time to freak out?'

'Do you? Did you?' I ask, dreading her answer may be yes.

'No,' she asserts. 'But what if I had?'

Time to be honest Derek.

'It's not about you needing space or time to freak out Meredith. It's never been about that. All I'm asking for is that when you need space, you tell me. When you don't want to talk about something, you tell me and I'll leave you to do what you need to do and I'll trust that you'll come to me when you're ready,' I explain, placing my hand on her shoulder. I was apprehensive to do so before now.

'Would you though?' She asks. 'Would you trust me to do that?' She pushes.

Would I?

'Of course I would,' I nod, hoping to assure her. 'After everything you have been through, I'd be an idiot not to understand that you need time to freak out when the big stuff happens but what I need from you is to tell me you need it. As long as you're telling me, I don't need to worry,' I insist.

'You don't need to worry about me,' she says and I see a hint of a smile appearing on her face.

'I always worry,' I confess as I move my hand from her arm to her cheek. 'But if you tell me when you need time, I'll at least not worry about our relationship.'

'Our relationship?' Meredith questions me with a smirk on her face.

'Well, that's what we have isn't it?' I ask, smiling.

'A pretty dysfunctional one,' she laughs and I end up joining in before pulling her into my arms for a hug.

'I'm sorry I ignored you,' I whisper loudly in her ear. I really am.

'I'm sorry I didn't tell you Christina was covering for me,' she sighs. 'I honestly meant to tell you but I let myself get carried away today...all happy and whatever,' she murmurs into the still, silent elevator, making me smile.

'Meredith,' I start, pulling back to look at her, ' I don't want you not to tell me anything because I'm an attending here. I want you...'

'I was being stupid. I know I was,' she sighs, looking up at me. I feel myself wince at her choice of words. I've always had a strong disdain for the word 'stupid'. It just shouldn't be used in any context.

'No, you weren't,' I assure her. 'You were freaking out because you're a mom.'

'I still shouldn't have...'

'Hey,' I lean in, 'we all have off days. You were having an off day and while everything is up in the air with Zola, it's understandable,' I whisper, kissing her on the lips.

'It's no excuse,' she murmurs against my lips. ' I still shouldn't allow it to affect my work.'

'Stop being so hard on yourself,' I insist before pulling her in for a searing kiss.

'But...'

'But nothing,' I insist, smiling against her lips before Meredith grabbed hold of the front of my scrub top.

I swear she's just murmured 'screw it'.

Scrub shirt...her scrub shirt...off...I fumble to get hers off before I pull mine off too.

Kissing. More kissing. I love how soft her lips are. I love how she feels against me. I love her.

I love her.

No, don't say that. I can't say that yet!

Meredith's hands go to my scrub pants which now look like a tent considering how hard I already am. I don't even think I can take much teasing today. Not with how long I've wanted this...wanted her.

Her hands graze over my erection causing me to groan loudly, making me nibble on her ear to stop myself from screaming her name. I can feel how flush her cheeks are against mine and we haven't even gotten to the really good stuff yet.

My lips find hers again as my scrubs fall to the floor and I untie hers for them to do the same before I pull her back from the wall slightly to unhook her bra. She moans with relief.

Oh Meredith!

My hands go straight for Meredith's breasts, pinching her nipples hard, while she discards her bra to the side, pulls my boxers down and...

'Oh Meredith,' I groan against her lips as all coherent thoughts disappear from my mind.

'I've missed this,' she confesses quietly, still teasing my erection.

'Me too,' I smile at her and before I can utter another word, I lift her slightly and within seconds...we're in sync.

We're Meredith and Derek.

**Please leave me a comment :) xx**


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